Endsong
by Rilan
Summary: Follows my Shep's journey through ME2 with some FemShep/Kaidan, eventual FemShep/Garrus. Shepard is thrown into a new life after the Normandy is destroyed and struggles to be what everyone needs her to be.
1. Chapter 1

Rated M – Violence, Language, Smut :]

I've taken liberties with the ME universe, storyline, and characters. For instance, I never understood why some of the big reveals with characters are only available to certain genders; Tali's helmet, Jack finally opening up, etc. I've made assumptions about the locations of various characters and their past relationships (such as who was on the Normandy when it was destroyed). Yes, I call my FemShep by her first name. Often. I get tired of writing Shepard over and over. Her first name is Adrian. Her basic background; Earthborn, Sole Survivor, Paragade, Vanguard.

* * *

Commander Adrian Shepard's foot was asleep. She inwardly cursed her habit of sitting on her foot and gingerly set it back on the floor, trying to ignore the odd sensation of pins and needles dancing across her skin. Her eyes felt bleary and dry; she was finishing her fifth report of the morning. No Geth activity, no sign of the Reapers…not a single nonorganic piece of shit she could let out her frustrations on. This was not a good day. She was frustrated that the Council and the Alliance weren't doing everything they could to prepare. They'd look into it, they'd send out a team to confirm what kind of tech it was that attacked the Citadel…Of course, it didn't matter that she and her entire team told them—repeatedly—that it was the Reapers.

She glanced sideways at the clock sitting on her desk; Kaidan would be done with his rounds by now. He said he had something important he wanted to talk to her about. Adrian snorted, he had been subtly trying to tell her that he wanted a normal life, perhaps even a family. Shepard held no illusions of the sort. Kaidan had a home to go back to and a family. Perhaps if things were different, Shepard began to think wistfully…she pushed that thought away.

The LT had taken it upon himself to check the crew deck for repairs daily. Shepard had reminded him that both Garrus and Tali checked daily as well but Kaidan had, in turn, reminded her that her other squadmates tended to stick to the cargo and engine room. After their night together en route to Ilos, Kaidan had been around her all the time. He always wanted to be near, always wanted to touch her. It was strange but at the same time, Shepard liked having someone around that cared for her in that way. She was glad that most of her crew had decided to stay aboard the Normandy, if only for a little while longer. Wrex had gone to Tuchanka to try to merge the clans and Tali was being dropped off at the Flotilla within the next couple of days. Garrus was headed to the Citadel to apply to be a Spectre within the week and Liara was going to publish her research about the Protheans when she returned to Illium. Most of the team had decided to go on one last mission, one last Geth killing spree. _Except there are no Geth to be found._

A sudden scream jerked Shepard into an upright position, the datapad she was holding clattered to the floor. _What the hell? _She had started to stand when an explosion rocked the Normandy. Shepard was thrown onto the floor of her cabin; all the air in her lungs was pushed out with a hard grunt. Adrian lay still for a moment, straining to hear. The sudden quiet was shattered by the shrill blare of the Normandy's alarms. They were under attack. She scrambled to her feet and ripped her armor off the table it had been resting on. She hastily snapped it into place, grabbed her helmet, raced out of the cabin, and rounded the corner to the rest of the crew deck. Possible scenarios were flying through her head but when she saw the damage all the probable answers disappeared. Flames that had already consumed the sleeping pods were rapidly spreading towards the mess—no ship had the technology to do this much damage to the ship from one hit. _Shit_. The console to activate the distress beacon was down the gangway to the sleeper pods. Adrian tried to remember where she could find a fire extinguisher. Another blast hit the Normandy and Shepard sprinted towards the elevator to avoid the sudden flash of fire.

"Mayday, mayday, mayday—this is SSV Normandy, we're under attack from an unknown vessel!" Joker called from above.

Shepard threw her back against the elevator doors, flattening herself as much as possible as flames licked around the mess tables. A sudden thump from the other side of the elevator doors made Shepard jump. Her comm crackled, "—pard….elevator—"

Dread filled her stomach and she slammed her palm against the emergency override button by the doors. She heard the locks groaning but not giving. Part of her crew was stuck in the elevator. Shepard's fingers flew across her omni-tool, trying to hack through the elevator's locks. _Damn_, she need needed an engineer.

"Shepard!" Adrian whipped around to see Tali coming out of the infirmary, followed closely by Doctor Chakwas, whose arm had a long burn from shoulder to elbow. Tali's helmet was smeared with ash, her many veils charred and blackened.

Adrian felt her heart quiver; Tali and Chakwas were safe. Shepard closed the distance between them quickly and grasped Tali's elbow, "Tali—I need you to get this elevator unlocked, there are people stuck in it. After that you and Chakwas get everyone to the escape shuttles."

Tali nodded and began working on the lock. Shepard then remembered; there were fire extinguishers in the medbay and the elevator. She began to head towards the medbay when Chakwas grabbed her arm, "There is too much fire back there!"

"Adrian, catch!"

Shepard turned to Tali's call and caught the small extinguisher. The engineering crew poured out the elevator followed by Garrus, who was pulling his helmet onto his head.

"Tali, Garrus—get them to the escape shuttles."

"We won't leave you." Garrus replied shortly.

"That wasn't a request."

Adrian turned and began to fight her way through the fiery hall that lead to the emergency console. She peered over her shoulder to see Garrus and Tali looking after her before they both turned and began to usher people to the exit. The sleeper pods were twisted and blackened, she briefly thought of the twisted gnarly trees on Earth. She reached the console and, thankfully, it was still intact. Her hands flew over the holographic keyboard; _Omega Nebula…Amada System…Unknown Enemy_. She could hear footsteps behind her as she reached for her helmet and jammed it on her head.

"Shepard!"

She cursed inwardly. Everyone on the Normandy knew the procedure for emergencies like this. No one should be seeking her out. Kaidan watched her hit the final keys to send their distress call, "Will the Alliance get here in time?"

The console blinked out, "I'm not doing this just so that can find frozen corpses. We just need to give them time. Get everyone onto the escape shuttles."

The Normandy rocked again, sending Kaidan sprawling into the wall. Shepard dug her fingers into the console.

"Joker is still in the cockpit, he won't abandon ship. I'm not leaving either."

_God damnit, _"Get to the damn shuttles! I'll haul Joker's ass out of here!" Shepard snarled.

Kaidan paused, "Adrian…"

She shoved him away, hard, "Get the hell out of here!"

Shepard turned and ran back down the short hall and around the mess to the stairs leading to the bridge. A fire raged on one of the stairs and Shepard turned her face away from the flames. She raced up the curved steps to the bridge and stopped short when the door slide open. The Normandy's hull was nearly in half and the ceiling was gone. Shepard looked up. She was briefly thankful that her boots were magnetically sealed and proceeded to make her way to the cockpit. Joker's hands were flying furiously over the holographic keyboard and various screens.

She leaned in, "Come on Joker, we have to get out of here."

"No I can still save her!"

Shepard bit her cheek to keep her voice calm, "The Normandy is lost, going down with the ship won't change that. Don't throw your life away."

Joker paused, then turned to look at her, "Yeah…ok. Help me up." Adrian had gently grasped his shoulder when he stiffened, "Shit, they're coming around for another attack!"

She braced herself against Joker's seat and ground her teeth together as the energy beam tore through the bridge. They had to get off the Normandy. _Now._ Not waiting, Shepard snatched Joker's forearm, not even wincing when she heard a loud crack, and hauled him to his feet. He hissed, face contorting in pain, but said nothing. Shepard tried to lower him as gently as she could into the cockpit's emergency shuttle when another explosion caused her to lose her footing. _Shitshitshit. _Her boots lost contact with floor and she suddenly found herself floating.

"Commander!"

Her hands frantically slide along the smooth siding of the Normandy, looking for some kind of purchase—something she could grab onto when she managed to grab the corner next to the secondary emergency shuttle controls. She weighed her options and threw a quick glance over her shoulder. The ship was coming back and there was no way she could make it back to the shuttle before it destroyed her and Joker.

She looked at Joker. He squinted before realizing where she was, what she was going to do. He shook his head hysterically, "No! Shepard!"

Adrian hit the override and sealed his shuttle, sending it hurtling away from the Normandy. She tried to ignore his screams, his voice begging her to let him die with her. When the enemy ship fired on the Normandy again, Shepard closed her eyes and waited, she'd seen Sovereign shreds enough ships. She didn't want to see the Normandy go down. The explosion knocked her away from the ship and she was rained with debris. She screamed when something heavy slammed into the base of her spine and sucked in a breath, trying to control the pain, even as her legs feebly jerked in protest. Shepard was floating away from the wreck and realized that she was heading towards a planet. _I'm going to die_, she thought numbly.

She decided to watch disinterestedly as the Normandy exploded and tried to ignore the constant spikes of pain as more debris hit her – until something punctured the tube to her oxygen supply. Shepard froze. _Please, I don't want to suffocate_. She would rather be consumed in the planet's atmosphere. Oxygen was hissing out her supply and she frantically pressed her hands against it to try to stem the flow, body contorting. It was no good. Pain bloomed in her chest, as though her lungs were tearing themselves apart, and her heart raced ahead frantically seeking oxygen. Shepard stopped, realizing it futile and turned her gaze towards what was left of the Normandy. Then suddenly everything slowed; her heart, her blood, her brain. Through her darkening vision, the escape shuttles looked like tiny shooting stars. The icy planet loomed ahead and Shepard knew no more.

* * *

_You've stripped me down, the layers fall like rain_

_It's over now, just innocence and instinct still remain_

_You watched me while I slowly disappeared_

_I reached for you to save me; you were frozen in your fear._

Take It All Away - RED


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard had never thought of the way she would die. It was always there, a quiet nothingness, in the back of her mind that sometimes whispered, '_This could be it'_. Death was not foreign to her. Shepard dealt in death. Sometimes, when she found the dead and watched others die around her, Shepard would hope that her death would be simple. Clean. She didn't want to see her deeds laid out before her—she tried to live her life to help others. She was a killer, not a murderer. Still, it was the only skill she had. Her life had begun brutally, it would end violently and violence would rule everything inbetween. It was all just progress. But this…

_This _had to be death.

There was nothing but silence and darkness. There was some kind of current pushing around her legs. She struggled to move, but it was like she was wrapped in a heavy shroud. She fought to get some kind of hold on the situation. Her mind conjured scattered images, fragments of people and places that comforted her. Shepard tried to pin them down—she didn't know who these people where but she knew that they were the cause of the warmth swelling in her. If she was going to be trapped in silence and darkness at least she would have their faces, at least she would have something. A light flickered on in the corner of her vision, followed by another and then another. Nonsensical, gibberish text began to stream across the black. The glow was too bright.

The things that were fleeting through her mind now were completely foreign. Numbers and lights danced across her eyelids—no her eyes were open—dates, names, and jargon she couldn't understand. Her brain was working in overtime, images flashing though her mind—a young girl, the closest thing Shepard had to a friend, being raped by a group of men at least twice her age, the first time she had seen a man's head explode in a mist of blood, bone, and gray matter, the glare of neon lights, the grime under her fingernails, a knife carving its way from her hip to clavicle and the red that poured out like The Reds, like her fiery hair, machines slaughtering people, heads that resembled flashlights, giant black tentacled creatures —but then there was nothing. Just as panic began to spread through her, something white ghosted through the black and it began to recede. Her limbs went numb and any kind of thought was quickly lost to mist. The lights faded and her eyes drooped shut again.

When Shepard opened her eyes again, all she could see was a bright haze of blue. She tried to focus and she could make out a few words; Shepard, Lazarus, Lawson. The first word was familiar. _Shepard. I'm Shepard, Shepard is me. _With a jolt she realized she could see something through the blue. The white masses began to slowly take shape into tables, chairs, and crates. Several computer screens illuminated a number of steel tools and robotic arms. She frowned, one looked close enough to touch…tentatively, Shepard reached out. Her hand cut through little resistance and then ran into something hard and smooth. _Glass_, her brain supplied. She recoiled, jerking her arm back. Glass, she was behind glass—the room, it had to be a lab. Shepard could feel fear rolling up her spine. She turned and slammed her hands against the surrounding glass. She thought of Akuze, she thought of sick experiments, and twisted morals. Her mind conjured images of men melting, mindless husks, and dead comrades.

A face suddenly appeared on the other side of the glass, a pair of intelligent blue eyes peered in. Shepard tried to scream but found she couldn't. Her hands flew to her throat; something was forced down her mouth. She remembered then—the smell of burning wires, the screeching of broken metal, flames licking at her armor, the crack of Joker's forearm underneath her insistent grasp, and finally…finally seeing the Normandy burst into flames. Her suit had a puncture—her hands flew to the back of her head—she was suffocating to death, twisting in a final desperate attempt to live.

* * *

Outside of the tank, Cerberus Operative Miranda Lawson frowned as she watched Shepard thrash. It was getting worse. An alarm began to shrilly blare next the tank; Shepard's stats were pushing into the red. She put her hand to the tank and turned to its controls. Miranda administered a sedative to calm Shepard. Nothing happened. Miranda jumped when Shepard's fist abruptly hit the glass, a small series of cracks radiated outward from the impact. _Perhaps they had gone overboard with the new muscle weave._ Miranda glimpsed Shepard's face and felt a pang of sympathy when she saw the pure panic and fear there. She quickly hit the dosage button again. Eventually, the woman went limp and her stats returned to normal. Miranda let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding—Shepard was fine. This was the most awake she'd been since the project began. She and Wilson had tried waking her up with small doses of various drugs, but each time Shepard had been awake she'd been unresponsive to their stimuli, peeling back her eyelids revealed gray blue eyes that looked dead. Now it seemed she was reacting to her own stimuli. _Soon Shepard, soon it'll all make sense_, Miranda promised to tell her everything when the time came. She hadn't spent over two years fixing this woman and learning everything about her to fail now.

Miranda turned on her heel and made her way to the small equipment room where Wilson liked to take breaks. _Heh, "breaks"_…breaks that usually consisted of sleeping during his shift. Miranda scowled, Wilson was becoming less and less useful. The Lazarus Project was nearly complete and she looked forward to the day when she could kick him off the project and off the station. _Or simply kill him_. The doors slid open and Wilson was asleep on a bench in the center of the room, carefully balanced along its thin breadth. She felt her temper spike and slammed the flat of her foot against his hip. Wilson tumbled off the bench and landed in a heap on the floor,

"What the fuck Miranda?"

She crossed her arms, standing over him, "What the hell do you think you're doing back here?"

"What does it look like, princess? I was sleeping."

"Shepard woke up and damn near gave herself a heart attack."

Wilson stood, "What do you mean, she 'woke up'?"

"I mean she woke up and was hysterical. She was nearly lucid."

Wilson was already moving back into the lab, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. Miranda followed, pursing her lips. Wilson leaned over the console Miranda was at moments ago and then peered into the tank.

"She's almost ready." Wilson murmured, running his hands like a caress across the smooth rounded glass. Miranda shuddered, remembering the way Wilson would run his hands across Shepard's naked body, after her skin was regrown, on the operating table and the way he would murmur small things as he worked over her, as if to a lover. She was glad that there was glass separating them now, though she suspected Shepard would have no problem handling Wilson. He was a scientist; he barely had any kind of weapons or defense training.

"I'm heading to the D-Wing to amend my report. Keep an eye on her." She didn't wait for a response. Miranda knew damn well that, since he'd been caught sleeping while Shepard's stats went red, Wilson wouldn't leave Shepard again. The elevator doors swished open and Miranda pushed the button for the D-Wing. The ship's layout was strange, with elevators going both vertically and horizontally and the sudden shift from vertical to horizontal always made Miranda feel a shiver of vertigo. The doors slid open with a hiss and Miranda bristled as she saw Jacob heading towards her, going the opposite direction. He saw her too and she noticed his shoulders tense. For once Miranda was relieved that Jacob would not be working with her and Shepard to investigate the missing colonies. She needed to focus and keep a clear mind. Jacob fiddled with his gun, a nervous habit, and Miranda's gaze was drawn to his large hands – _hands that slid down her sides and settled under her behind, that lifted her onto a desk and scattered papers all over the floor_ – Miranda pushed that out of her mind forcefully. He nodded as he went by.

She fled, long legs and heels eating up the floor, to her office and sank against the door once she was inside. _Damn him. _Miranda flopped down in her chair and opened her daily report. She liked to report on things shortly after they happened, not that she had trouble remembering at the end of the day, so that she had less to do at night. Miranda found herself opening the folder that contained images of a face so like hers, yet so different and wishing things could be different. Found herself thinking of dark skin and soulful eyes—An alarm went off on her omni-tool and Miranda pulled up the small message, frowning.

The mechs were being activated all over the station. _Why…?_ Then she froze when a second line of information popped up; OVERRIDE CONFIRMED – Flushing Tank 614 Lazarus at 18:30. Miranda felt cold dread settle into her stomach. That wasn't possible, tank 614 was Shepard and the mechs were heading to the medical wing—it suddenly became very clear what was happening. She jumped to her feet and reached for her gun, grabbing a small communications device.

_Shit_, she was going to have to flush Shepard out of the tank alone and with no idea what was happening around her. Miranda hoped that Shepard could think on her feet and slammed her fist against the red button.

* * *

In the medical wing, alarms screamed and the room was bathed in a red light. A loud noise, like a vacuum, filled the space and the tall tank that held Commander Adrian Shepard opened and flushed. Water poured into the room and onto the floor and among it was the woman's small form.

Gasping, choking she pulled the breather from her mouth—she felt sick as it traveled up her throat. She pulled for what seemed like forever, gagging, and finally tossed the breather aside. Pain bloomed along her body, she followed it and yanked needles and tubes from her arms and legs. She'd been born again; all blood and water. She felt blind and shivered against the cold, curling her naked body into herself in an attempt to warm up. There was a voice telling her to grab armor. She tried to stand and fell, knees buckling, and stumbled to a nearby crate. Shoving it open revealed armor and she managed to buckle in with shaking fingers and squinting eyes. Her legs don't want to work; her knees seemed to buckle at every step. She found a small pistol and that felt comforting in her hand, felt familiar.

Shepard was alive.

* * *

_Everyone that I've loved has turned to smoke_

_They come in single file and exit two by two_

_As if they knew what was to come_

_That I'm happier in the rain than the sun._

Smoke - Sarah Fimm


	3. Chapter 3

Adrian Shepard was jittery, rocking back and forth on her feet impatiently while the Illusive Man talked about the mission. She snorted indignantly, the "_Illusive_" man. What kind of bullshit, egomaniacal name was that? She thought of him, alone with his alcohol and cigarettes in front of a dying star, and could only think of him as cowardly. _"Our place in the world is less stable than we like to think."_ Shepard checked her pistol again and could only think of the nameless man as cowardly.

She was trying to get a feel for her two new squad mates. The first thing she noticed was that there was clearly something between Miranda and Jacob; whether it was simply bad blood or something deeper, she hadn't figured it out yet. But the look on the Cerberus officer's face when Jacob was assigned to the mission…well, perhaps she was human after all. Jacob seemed very committed to the operation and in several ways reminded her of Kaidan. Kaidan, who was still in the Alliance but who had very secure records. She felt a small twinge of regret and pushed it aside, not ready to deal with that just yet. For the first time since…she paused, for the first time since waking up she felt hope. Tali, though understandably distant, had filled her some optimism. She was thrilled the Quarian had successfully completed her pilgrimage and gone on to become Tali'Zorah vas Neema. Shepard thought back to her debrief with the Illusive Man and his announcement that her previous squad was unavailable. Adrian tried to imagine Liara, sweet and innocent Liara, working for the Shadow Broker. She was surprised to learn that Wrex was no longer doing mercenary work. Still, the way he talked about the future of Krogans? Maybe it wasn't so surprising. The one that disturbed her the most was Garrus. _"Even we can't find him." _ She made a noncommittal response and the Illusive Man cut the connection.

_Coward._ She stood there for a moment and then begrudgingly made her way up the steps. Shepard had to wonder though, whom he was talking about, who was the pilot she could trust? There was only one she could think of and she was sure he would have been immediately reassigned. He was one of the best. As she turned the corner, she saw a familiar silhouette – a stooped figure with a baseball cap. She grinned.

"Long time no see, Commander."

She bridged the distance between with a laugh and hugged him tight, immediately loosening her grip when she heard him grunt, and he patted her shoulder awkwardly. He pulled on her elbow, "Come on Shep, I have something to show you."

Shepard followed him through the station, shaking her head, "I can't believe its you, Joker."

"Yeah, no kidding. I saw you get spaced."

"So…you and Cerberus."

"Wow, look at you, trying to make that sound conversational. Look, Adrian, I know what you're going to say. But after you—after the Alliance grounded me and sealed all our records. The crew was disbanded. We weren't a team without you, we were _your_ team."

She had to agree with him there. "You really trust the Illusive Man?"

Joker turned and smirked at her, "Heh, well I don't trust anyone who makes more money than me." They had stopped before an observation window, "But they aren't all bad. Brought you back, let me fly, and there's this…they only told me last night."

Adrian followed his gaze and found her voice suddenly stuck in her throat. He had led her to an observation deck for a hanger and inside was the Normandy. It wasn't the same; it was bigger, sleeker…and had a Cerberus logo painted on it. Her heart sank; those bastards. Joker nudged her, "They only told me last night."

She forced a smile, "I guess we'll have to give her a name."

So they named the ship the Normandy SR2.

It still didn't feel right.

Miranda insisted on giving her a tour of the ship. Shepard followed her halfheartedly and was disturbed to see how similar, yet how different everything was. Yeoman Kelly Chambers was very cheerful, almost to the point of annoyance. Adrian felt herself recoil when the redhead said she was the ship's psychologist. Shepard had always had been wary of them; they were no help to her after her time on earth or after Akuze. Still, she supposed some of the crew might find that particular service useful.

She took her own tour of the ship, slowly walking the gleaming halls, and taking the time to introduce herself to people. The two engineers were somewhat entertaining. Ken had a strong Scottish accent that Shepard found herself grinning at. His companion, Gabby, was equally as infectious with her demeanor. The cook, Gardner, had a rough and tumble voice that reminded her of some her previous commanding officers in the Alliance. She was surprised when he mentioned having low quality rations, but after she peeked into the freezer and storage areas she had to agree. Adrian also noticed there were no dextro friendly foods—that was going on the list too. Finally, she stopped by the medbay and was thrilled to see Doctor Chakwas aboard.

Miranda hadn't shown her to the captain's quarters, or"_the loft_" as she had called it and so Shepard finally took the elevator to the final level. She stepped inside and stopped dead. _Well, the loft indeed. _It was at least twice the size of the captain's quarters on the SR1. She wandered into the office area, smiling at the small model of the SR1 in the glass pane. A door slid open as she walked by and she poked her head in—only to see a private bathroom, complete with a shower in the corner. _Now that is nice_. She explored the rest of the room, temporarily lounging on the couch, before flopping onto the bed.

Fear immediately seized her when she saw the black, open expanse of space above her. Her heart leapt into her throat and she instantly rolled, groping for some kind of switch or remote that shut the damn shutter. Instead, EDI's calm voice called into the cabin, "Shepard, would you like the shutter closed?" She managed a gasping reply and collapsed when the shutter finally closed.

Cerberus may have brought her back but she wondered if they brought her back right.

* * *

_Turning in circles, been caught in a stasis_  
_ The ancient arrival cut to the end_  
_ I'd like to be taken apart from the inside_  
_ Then spit through the cycle right to the end_

_Tempest - Deftones_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Began this chapter a few days before ME3 came out…put myself on internet exile to avoid spoilers. Finished the game, loved it right up unto the end. Totally satisfied with the romance however. I'm thinking I might take this through ME3 as my brain is already churning to fill in the gaps. We'll see.

* * *

Omega was just as dirty as everyone said it was. Adrian could close her eyes and imagine Earth, imagine the slums where she grew up. Everything was the same; the smell, the people strewn across the ground begging for some kind of help…even the buzz of the lights. She saw Miranda blanch when they came face to face with a Vorcha. _Can't say I blame her._ They had almost immediately run into one of the men from the dossiers, Zaeed Massani. Shepard frowned when she realized he was turning in a bounty. She hated bounty hunters. Not because of the job necessarily, but because their employers were too lazy or incompetent to hunt the bounty down themselves. _Kind of like some cowardly figurehead I know._ _What an ass._ His blind eye and the scarring there, if she had to guess she'd say he was shot in the head, intrigued her. Even by today's medical standards, surviving a shot to the head was a big feat. Shepard cast an appraising eye over the three in her crew on Omega. Miranda seemed to be holding her own, though distaste radiated from her, Zaeed seemed right at home, and Jacob…Jacob seemed jumpy. In fact, he couldn't stop staring at Zaeed's eye. Adrian rolled her eyes and sent him back to ship in favor of getting to know Massani.

Afterlife was loud and dark, just like Shepard liked her clubs, and she couldn't help but grin at the drunken patrons stumbling around attempting to dance. She could see an overlook and assumed that Aria would be there. She descended the steps and bristled when her thugs stopped her to scan for guns. The Batarian was staring intently at his scanner and so Shepard pulled the pistol from her hip and waved it in his face, saying sarcastically, "If you're looking for guns you aren't doing a very good job."

The Asari waved the guards away and turned to face Shepard, "Can't be too careful. That could be anyone wearing your face." Adrian nodded. After all, that was a fact she was a little too familiar with. '_It could be anyone wearing your face'… was she really herself?_ "You run Omega?"

Aria laughed, turning to look out at Afterlife, "I am Omega. But you need more, everyone needs more something and they all come to me. I'm the boss, CEO, queen…if you're feeling dramatic. It doesn't matter. Omega has no titled ruler and only one rule…" Aria smirked at her, "Don't fuck with Aria."

Shepard couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face, "I like it. Simple, easy to remember."

"If you forget, someone will remind you." Aria gestured for her to sit and Shepard joined her. "What do you need?"

She weighed her options. The scientist Salarian, Mordin Solus, could likely shed light on the Collectors and how they were abducting humans. The other dossier, for a Turian named Archangel, seemed to be the better choice. Zaeed was going to be a good heavy hitter but with Miranda and Jacob both being biotics and herself being the more up-close and personal biotic…she needed someone with range. _I need Garrus._ She sighed, like that was going to happen.

"I'm looking for Archangel."

"You want him dead too?"

"Dead? No, I want to recruit him. What did he do?"

Aria sneered, "He thinks he is helping Omega by being some kind of vigilante. I don't have time for his bullshit but the merc gangs have put aside their differences to hunt him."

A vigilante who was enough of a thorn in the side of Omega that the three major mercenary bands had ganged up to kill him. He sounded like her kind of guy. She stood, nodded at the Asari, and headed to the recruitment room.

* * *

The damned old man was still laughing at the Batarian.

"I can't believe called you a goddamn stripper!"

Shepard could feel her teeth clench together._ Fucking Batarian. _

The mercenary chuckled again, "Especially when you have Cerberus Barbie over here." He motioned to Miranda, who scowled and crossed her arms over her chest.

Adrian felt her lips quirk. _Ok, maybe he's not so bad._ The barren apartment block and empty streets were a little unnerving but, as they rounded a corner, they soon came to a flurry of activity. Mercenaries and their lackeys were running amok and Shepard paused to take in the surroundings. There was a stack of crates several mercs were taking cover from… _from what_? She stood on her toes to see over it just as one of their head's exploded. She could see him then, this Archangel, and apparently he was a sniper. Shepard realized that the mercenaries were going over a bridge in an attempt to get to the vigilante. _You've got to be kidding me._

She followed another mercenary into the rest of the compound and began gathering intel. The Bloodpack, Eclipse, and the Blue Suns definitely did not want to be in the same room together, let alone working together. Archangel was just that much of a pain in their ass. She wandered the halls, looking for information, before being introduced to a Batarian worker. A Batarian worker with guards and who insisted on blowing his cigarette smoke in her face. _Asshole._

"I have to get this ship up and running. Archangel's going to have a nasty surprise waiting for him."

The console next to him pinged and the Batarian grinned maliciously before sending his men to cross the bridge. She weighed her options—she did not want to have to deal with a gunship and three different mercenary groups. So she took the electro-hydrospanner and jammed it into the base of armor, overloading the systems and electrocuting him to death. Zaeed whistled behind her and she ignored Miranda's scoff of disdain. Shepard ducked under the gunship, considered firing a few rounds into it, but continued towards the bridge.

"Shepard. That bridge is goddamn suicide."

"Can it, Zaeed. We're going and he is going to know we're allies when we start shooting the mercs."

The three of them trailed behind the mercenaries. She had to admit she was impressed by the—she squinted at the shape of his armor and helmet—Turian sniper. He was very precise. His eyes landed on her and she looked directly at him while she holstered her gun, trying to give him a sign. _Please don't shoot me_. If he decided to take a shot he would definitely kill her. Instead of moving onto the next merc, he kept his rifle pointed at her. Shepard felt a bead of sweat roll down her neck and breathed a sigh of relief when she realized that he was simply looking at her through the scope. _What is he staring at?_ Her heart leapt into her throat when she heard the resounding crack of his rifle. A slug hit square at the shoulder joint, the one that had never really been fixed after her fight with Saren, and she toppled backwards to the ground.

"Shepard!" Miranda cried, kneeling next to her immediately, hands reaching for the seals of her shoulder guard. Her fingers stopped when she found the armor undamaged, instead scanning with her omni tool. Adrian frowned; she wasn't dead, there was no blood… _A concussive round_. She glanced back up towards the balcony but the sniper had moved on and was looking to his next target. She accepted the operative's hand up and reassured she was ok. Shepard crept into the apartment and shot the small explosive that a Blue Sun mercenary was arming. Now alerted, the other mercenaries returned fire. While Massani and Lawson took care of the mercenaries Shepard focused, gathered dark energy around her and charged across the ground floor to slam into a human at the base of the stairs. He flew against the wall like a rag doll, blood oozing out of his nose. She strained her ears—one more upstairs. She stealthily hugged the stairwell and crept around the corner before planting a slug into the back of his head. He had been halfway through hacking the door and Shepard stepped forward and finished his, admittedly sloppy, work. She motioned to Miranda and Zaeed to fall in behind her and entered.

She immediately honed in on the blue armor and confirmed her earlier suspicions about his race when she saw the slope of his armored carapace and helmet that housed his fringe. Shepard lowered her gun and went to him, "You Archangel?"

The Turian held up a finger and lined up a shot in his scope, blowing a merc's head off, before straightening. He turned his back to her and removed his helmet before settling onto some crates. She might have forgotten to breathe; blue eyes, blue clan markings, kind, open face… _Garrus fucking Vakarian_.

"Shepard. I thought you were dead."

Adrian smiled at his voice, the familiar flanging and intonation. She rushed towards him, arms partly open. "Garrus!"

She paused, however, when she realized she didn't know the protocol for greetings between friends for Turians. Hug? Fist bump? Head butt? Instead she dropped her arms, content to be near him. "What you doing here?"

He grinned at her, "Just keeping my skills sharp. A little target practice."

Despite his bravado, she could hear the weariness in his voice and see it in the slow way he moved. She took another step towards him, "Are you ok?"

Garrus avoided her gaze and she frowned, _well that's a no_. But he shrugged, "Been better, but it sure is good to see a friendly face." Shepard snorted, _I'll say_.

He continued wryly, "Killing mercs is hard work on my own."

The silence stretched between them. They locked eyes and Shepard desperately tried to read him. Sadness, desperation, fear…hope? How did he get here? What happened to make the Blue Suns, Eclipse, and Blood Pack come after him? "What happened here Garrus?"

He was silent for a moment before finally saying, "Let me come with you…and I'll tell you everything."

She nodded and walked to the overlook, Garrus on her heels. "Well, getting in wasn't so hard but I doubt it'll be that easy to get out."

"No, it won't. That bridge saved my life but it works both ways. We try to go out that way, they'll slaughter us."

"So?"

"So I suggest we hold this position, wait for a crack in their defenses, and then take our chance. It's not a perfect plan but…"

Shepard smiled at him, "We've done stupider things."

He nodded and rose his rifle to his eye, "Let's see what they're up to. Hm, looks like they know their infiltration team failed. Take a look, scouts I think. Maybe Eclipse."

She took the rifle from him and pressed her eye to the scope. Sure enough a handful of Eclipse mercenaries were starting over the bridge. Shepard didn't understand—it was clearly a kill zone. Were they really so desperate to be rid of Archangel? She handed the rifle back to him.

"I'm staying up here. I can do a lot of damage from this vantage point. And you? You go do what you do best," He grinned at her, "Just like old times Shepard."

She linked their radios and Shepard signaled Massani and Lawson to come with her and descended the stairs into the kitchen. Zaeed took a spot near the entrance and Miranda ducked behind a crate before nodding to Shepard. She grabbed her pistol and lined up a shot, filling a Salarian's midsection with bullets. Her next target was a Loki mech and Shepard grinned; getting head shots on those stupid mechs was about the closest she came to being able to snipe as they were such easy targets. She popped out of cover only to see a shot come from above and knock the head clean off the mech. Shepard sighed into the microphone in her suit, "Dammit Garrus, that was mine. You know I like the mechs."

He didn't respond but continued to take shots that would have otherwise been hers. _Still a smartass._ Shepard had to admit she was impressed with Miranda's biotics. She had initially dismissed the Cerberus operative as a pretty face, albeit with a cutting mouth. Lawson slid out of cover and spawned a mass effect field, effectively shredding four nearby targets. Shepard raised her eyebrows, impressed, as she had never really learned how to warp enemies. She only had a handful of tricks up her sleeve and they all involved getting on top of enemies and giving them no chance to recharge their shields or get back into cover. Zaeed, on the other hand, was a walking tank. He could easily mow down several enemies at once and, in fact, already had. Garrus pinged her, "Come back up, that seems to be all of them for now."

Shepard joined him at the overlook and said, "So what now?"

He shrugged, "Give me a moment." She nodded and crossed her arms, leaning against the wall. Garrus nudged her and Shepard turned to look at him. He reached over brushed his hand against the shoulder he had shot at earlier, "I aimed for the shoulder Sovereign messed up…had to make sure it was you. I had to make sure you were—"

He stopped suddenly, his mandibles pressed tightly against his face, so Shepard filled the quiet and nudged him back. "You got me pretty good."

"I know, concussive round only. Knocked you flat on your ass."

"Laugh it up Vakarian."

"Alright, I think I've got something—" A sudden explosion cut him off and knocked them into each other. It had come from somewhere below.

Miranda spoke first, "What the hell was that?"

Garrus was already scanning on his omni-tool and sighed, "They're trying to break in from the basement. I guess they had to use their brains eventually. Shepard, go down there and shut the shutters."

She knew how tired he was, how drained he looked. "I'm not leaving you up here alone," Shepard glanced between the her two companions, "Zaeed, stay with Garrus." The mercenary inclined his head and she and Miranda descended the stairs to close the shutters.

* * *

Shepard and Miranda returned little worse for wear and found the Blood Pack had infiltrated the apartments. The leader, Garrus might have said his name was Garm, was beginning to ascend the stairs when Shepard shot the Vorcha next to him. The Krogan narrowed his eyes and sent more at her. She and Miranda ducked and began to take them out. Shepard poked her head out cover and swore when a bullet grazed her cheek. It tore the skin and Miranda leaned over and yanked hard on her. Shepard slumped down and the operative smacked her arm and hissed, "Dammit, Shepard! Be more careful."

Adrian scanned the area and saw that one of the Krogan was nearly dead and, _oh that's a nice shotgun_, he had a gun she wanted. Miranda eyed her warily, "Shepard, I don't think—" But she had already charged across the room and into the Krogan and sent both of them sprawling. Shepard barely heard Lawson finish her sentence, "—using your biotics will work against a Krogan. Nevermind."

Shepard had come to her senses quicker than the Krogan and quickly climbed atop him, digging her knee into the soft skin of his neck, and aiming her pistol directly at his face. She winked, "Nice shotgun." He snarled at her and she emptied an entire clip into his head. Satisfied he was dead; Shepard stood and plucked the shotgun out of his hands. She shoved a fresh heatsink in and grinned to herself. _Shotguns, now I'm armed and ready_.

Garrus's voice, worried and guarded, buzzed in her ear, "Shepard, I need your help up here with Garm." Adrian immediately took to the steps, taking them two at a time, to round the corner with the shotgun raised. The hallway was empty but she could hear Garm taunting Garrus and Zaeed.

"Come on Archangel, you really think a tiny bitch like that is going to be any help you? I'll snap her in half."

Tiny? She'd take tiny. Bitch? _Like I haven't heard that before._ Shepard peered into the living quarters and saw Garm closing in on Garrus. Adrian sprinted and dove for the couch, slamming her back against it, and stood. She fired at the Krogan and drew his attention. Garm smirked at her and then realized his barrier was down. He charged at her but she was quicker and rolled out of the way. Adrian took a moment to look for Garrus and assess any damage to him but he and Zaeed was busy with another Krogan she hadn't seen. Garm slammed into her and shoved her into the ground, nearly landing on top of her. Shepard's head banged against the floor and for a moment her vision swam and darkened. He laughed, "Humans. You are all so easy to disarm. You are all so soft."

Shepard could feel blood running down her face from her cheek and against her mouth so she bared her teeth to him and jeered, "Disarmed? I don't think so." She shoved the shotgun against his stomach and fired. He roared load enough to make her ears rattle but he didn't budge and she couldn't breathe. The Krogan was suddenly lifted off her and Shepard rolled over to see Miranda, body aglow and face set in a mask of concentration, as she lifted Garm off and tossed him towards the nearby wall. Adrian reloaded and shot him again and this time, the boys could help too, Garm finally died. _Freak of nature indeed_.

Garrus walked over and pulled Shepard to her feet, eyeing her before commenting, "Nice face."

She shoved him, grinning. "Only the Blue Suns are left. I think we should go for it."

He nodded and opened his mouth to say something but shut it with a frown. He pushed her to the ground, ignoring her surprised yelp, and ducked next to her as a gunship fired into the apartment. _Goddammit._ Garrus leaned into her, "Dammit, I thought I took that thing out already!"

She turned to the sound of more glass shattering to see Blue Suns coming in through the side window. She turned and concentrated, satisfied with seeing dark energy curl around her fingers, and sent a shockwave towards the group. The mercenaries scattered and fell like bowling pins, some even falling back out of the window they came in from. Her squad took them out quickly and Shepard looked for the gunship. _Where the hell did it go?_ Shepard and Garrus looked at each other across the apartment. He stood, gun raised and looking for the ship, when Shepard heard its distinctive buzz behind them. Garrus heard it too and whipped around to fire but the gunship fired first. He was hit immediately with his shields taking majority of the hits. Still, Shepard knew some of them had found their way into his armor and possibly into him. _Fuck fuck fuck._ She ducked out of cover and fired at the ship, watching out of the corner of her eye as Garrus crawled across the ground and into cover, breathing hard.

"Archangel! You think you can fuck with the Blue Suns?"

Garrus leaned out of cover to fire and Shepard heard herself scream his name as the ship fired a load of rockets at him. He was thrown out of cover and onto the floor, landing hard on his stomach. He didn't move. Shepard dashed to cover closer to him and felt sick when she saw the blood beginning to pool under him.

There was ringing in her ears and, oddly, silence. She vaguely heard Zaeed call her name and had enough sense to catch the weapon her had tossed to her. Shepard looked down at it with numb fingers. A rocket launcher. She felt sick with anger, _I'm going to kill this fucker_. Shepard stood, calmer than she had felt since waking up, and fired all three rockets in succession. The gunship exploded and Shepard turned immediately to Garrus.

She kneeled next to him and turned him over gently, feeling as if her chest was going to burst, when he suddenly gasped and opened his eyes. Shepard whispered his name and his hazy gaze turned towards her. She turned towards Miranda, "Radio the Normandy, make sure they are ready for us!"

Shepard startled when his hand skimmed against her cheek. His hand faltered as his eyes started to close but Adrian grabbed his hand and squeezed it as hard as she could. He frowned and tried to look at her again. Panic whirled inside her, _This is Virmire all over again. _She leaned in close to the side of his head and murmured, "You are _not_ giving up now. That's an order."

They locked eyes once more before his closed.

* * *

_No this is never what I wanted_  
_Never what I thought I'd signed up for_  
_And I keep moving away_  
_To the edge then I'll decide whether to jump or stay asleep_  
_Sometimes the leap of faith is all we have_  
_Why won't you tell me_

_The Alarming Sound of a Still Small Voice - Saosin_


	5. Chapter 5

Shepard was a ghost.

She haunted the halls of the crew deck, pacing, while Garrus was in the infirmary. Sometimes she would perch on the tables in the mess hall or sit on the floor with her back to the counter of the kitchen, sometimes she would lean her forehead against the cool blacked out windows of the medbay. Adrian felt sick, _This is it...another crew member dead under my watch. _Miranda came around the corner from her office and stopped when she saw Shepard sprawled on the floor, arm draped over her eyes, just in front of the steps that lead to the main battery. She was still in full armor and Miranda had to step over her helmet that had been thrown carelessly to the side to get to her.

"Shepard."

No response.

"Shepard?" Miranda nudged the commander with her foot, "Adrian?"

Adrian finally pulled her arm away from her face and looked up at the Cerberus operative. Miranda wasn't prepared to see Shepard so distraught. Her mouth was set in a thin line, her lips chapped and pulling down at the edges, with blue blood smeared across her faced interrupted by what could only be tear tracks. It was disconcerting. Lawson had always thought of Shepard as an immovable figure. For the first time since recovering what was left of her body, Miranda thought of Shepard as a regular woman. Miranda sighed and sat down on the floor next to her. Shepard slowly turned her head and looked at the operative. Her lips quirked in a halfhearted attempt at a smile and Miranda found herself suddenly thinking of her sister.

Miranda had spent countless hours learning about Adrian Shepard. She knew that there was no official record of Shepard's parents but it was likely the streets of Shanghai had consumed them. Knew that Shepard didn't join the Tenth Street Reds by choice though she had taken to the violence like a fish to water. Like all other high-ranking gang members she had her hair permanently dyed the unnatural blood red color it was now. Miranda even knew that Shepard had lied about her age and had joined the military at sixteen. The Commander wasn't even out of her twenties. But the thing that had drawn her to Shepard, that made her want to pour two years of her life into bringing the woman back to life was her eyes. Her smile. Lawson saw her and saw Oriana…although Shepard carried a gun and made a habit of achieving democracy though bludgeoning until people saw reason. She hoped to never see Oriana with a gun in hand. Adrian had been a fresh recruit when the incident on Akuze had occurred. Miranda had seen the footage after Shepard was rescued and awarded. The blank stare and empty, haunted eyes stuck with her.

Lawson had wondered, when working on Shepard, if the famed Commander would look at her like that when she was told two years of her life was gone and that she had been pulled back from the grave. Sure, she could reconstruct Shepard's body but would she be the same?

She hesitantly reached out and patted Shepard's shoulder, letting her hand linger there. Neither said anything until Adrian croaked, "Tell me he's going to be alright."

The first response that came to Miranda was all logic; she couldn't guarantee that, his odds weren't very good, she couldn't tell her that the Turian would live. Instead she simply said, "He's going to be alright…" She paused, "Shepard, go up to your cabin and get cleaned up."

No response.

Miranda reached over and touched her fingers to Shepard's cheek, dipping her fingers into the blood streaked there. She wiggled her fingers in front of the Commander's face. The blank look on Adrian's face quickly dissolved into one of dawning horror. She scrambled to her feet and disappeared into the elevator.

* * *

Shepard had moved her pacing to the comm room. She had tried to sit with Joker, to do something useful, but he had gotten irritated and thrown her out. EDI had recommended that she take some time alone in one of the few empty rooms on the Normandy. That she was taking advice from a Cerberus artificial intelligence didn't faze her as much as it probably should have. She eventually just slumped onto the table, legs dangling off the side, and didn't move until EDI told her Jacob was on his way to the comm room. She jumped up, straightened her shirt, and ran her finger through her hair in an attempt to make herself somewhat presentable. _Pull it together, Shepard._

Jacob entered and saluted, Shepard tilting her head to acknowledge him, and he went straight to business, "Commander. We've done what we could for Garrus but he took a bad hit. We're fitted him with cybernetics and as far as we can tell he'll have full functionality but—"

The door to the comm room hissed open and the two occupants both turned. It was Garrus, on his feet already, head cocked to the side seeking her gaze. She took a moment to appraise him, inhaling sharply when she saw his destroyed armor and white sterile bandage across the majority of the right side of his face. Shepard could just see the beginnings of his, likely extensive, scarring on his mandible and mouth.

Garrus shifted his weight and Shepard realized she was staring. He said dryly, "Shepard. No one will give me a mirror. How bad is it?"

He was attempting to deflect with sarcasm and humor, a tactic he probably learned from her, but she could hear the unease in his voice. Despite the tone, it was a serious question. Taylor must have sensed it too as he saluted again and left.

"They did what they could but there is going to be scarring. I'm sorry."

Vakarian shrugged before he quipped, "Ah, well, some women find facial scars attractive...mind you, most of those women are Krogan." Shepard grinned and his mandibles opened in response, a mimic of her action. "I'm fit for duty when you need me. I'll be in the main battery calibrating the guns."

He ducked out of the comm room and Shepard took a moment for herself, running her palms across her face. She had a sudden desire to laugh and couldn't contain the smile that spread across her face. Shepard suddenly realized that Garrus had in fact left and hurried to the elevator after him. She slowed her pace when she rounded the corner to the mess and entered "Commander" mode, folding her hands behind her back and straightening her spine. _Fucking Cerberus. _However when the door to the battery closed after her, she dropped her arms and relaxed.

Garrus turned to greet her, face attempting to give her the Turian equivalent of a smile but that soon faded and he turned away. She timidly reached out to grab his cowl, just above his shoulder, but thought better of it at the last moment. He turned though and he looked so tired, haggard even. She found her hand suddenly in the air, going to the bandage there, and she pressed her fingers to it lightly before saying, "It hurts doesn't it?"

The Turian nodded once before slowly taking another step towards her. She titled her head up, having forgotten how much tall he was. Waking up alone and without any familiar faces hadn't been easy and she still felt as though she had only fallen asleep. Seeing him stirred something in her, it was so good to have a friend here. He rumbled, "I've had worse."

She tried to make light of the situation, "Not much worse, right?"

Her hand dropped and he looked sharply away, "Two years ago."

Silence loomed between them. For once, Shepard didn't like it and felt the need to fill it. She bit her lip and said quietly, "Tell me what happened to you. Tell me what happened after I died."

Garrus gave her a long, searching look. Confusion was evident on his face, apparent in the careful tone in his voice. "How are you here?"

Shepard sighed and eased herself down onto a crate, frowning, "I don't know the specifics. Cerberus must've recovered my body somehow from Alchera and Miranda was put in charge of reconstructing me. It was called the Lazarus Project, I assume after the biblical…" She caught his confused look, "Nevermind. I know I'm not a clone. That was the first thing I asked her and, well, I believe her. I have a lot of cybernetics and they made me stronger. Muscle weaves, bone weaves, skin weaves…" She laughed suddenly, "I'm like a walking tank."

Adrian waited for him to fill her in, to tell her what had driven him to Omega to put himself against three mercenary groups. He said nothing and so she nudged him with her foot. Finally saying softly, "Talk to me."

With a long sigh he sank down to the floor to sit next to her feet, his back against the wall of the battery. "I—I don't know where to start, Shepard."

"Start with the Normandy."

* * *

Garrus Vakarian was a bad Turian. Shepard had given him an order and he was not going to follow it. No, he knew she wouldn't leave without making sure everyone was out—even at the expense of her own life. As soon as Shepard was out of site Tali turned to him, grabbing him, "Garrus. Go get her. I will make sure the crew gets onto the pods."

So Tali knew too.

He couldn't get through the throng of people that had come out of the elevator with him and by the time he could, Shepard was out of sight. He rounded the tables in the mess, intending to go to her, and slammed hard into Kaidan.

"Why aren't you at the escape pods?" Kaidan asked. Garrus could almost see the human's disapproving frown through his helmet. The Turian didn't elaborate but looked down the gangway that Shepard had gone down earlier. Kaidan followed his gaze before saying stiffly, "I'll get her."

The tone was light enough but the underlying meaning was not. Surely the biotic didn't think that about him and the Commander? Shepard was his mentor, his friend, and he had learned much under her tutelage. Perhaps Kaidan didn't know much about Turian military. Commanding officers were always respected. Garrus pulled himself to his full height; towering over the human, and pointed a long finger at him before snapping, "See that you do lieutenant." _Or else_.

He turned away, nerves on end, and made his way to the escape pods. Joker had opened the panel that housed the pods when the Normandy had come under attack. He glanced sideways down the hall. The door to the Captain's cabin was stuck open. The sheets on the bed were crumpled, there was a data pad on the floor, and a glass of water had fallen to spill onto a desk.

"Garrus!" He turned to see Tali leaning out of a pod. She had been waiting for him, "Come on, this is the last one!" He turned his back to Shepard's room and paused in front of the pod. Chakwas and several other crew members were already inside. The Normandy rocked again beneath their feet. Tali glanced behind him, "Where is Shepard?"

"Alenko told me come here. Said he'd get Shepard."

Tali paused. She turned her head, peering down the hall, before leaning out and pulling hard on Garrus's elbow, "Bosh'tet."

They sat together, in silence, before Tali turned to him as if to say something when Kaidan rounded the corner, feet pounding against the metal floor, and threw himself against the frame of the escape pod. Alenko tried to usher another crew member to the pod but she was caught in another explosion and her scream died in her throat. Kaidan jumped in and reached for the controls but Garrus grabbed his wrist, squeezing hard and hissing, "Where is she?"

Kaidan shook him off, glaring under his helmet at the Turian before slamming his fist again the launch the button. The engines jumped to life beneath them and the human finally said, "She's coming on the next one. She had to get Joker."

Garrus felt sick with apprehension; torn between lunging across the escape pod to strangle the frail human and finding someway to get back to the Normandy and forcibly removing Shepard. The idea of leaving his commanding officer behind on a doomed boat was incomprehensible. Instead, in the escalating tension, Tali reached over and curled her fingers around Garrus's arm. He turned and gave her a long look but the Quarian gave him an almost imperceptible shake of her head. Instead, he glanced through the solitary window of the pod. The Normandy was dying and drifting away from his line sight. The once beautiful ship was barely holding together. Was Shepard already off the ship? Did she make it to Joker in time?

The pod sent them hurtling away from the Normandy, towards a large verdant looking planet, and they finally lost their visual of the Normandy. A sudden explosion rocked them and Garrus was sure it was the Normandy. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the vertigo and worry that had settled into his stomach, and waited as the pod entered the atmosphere. It shook and rattled and finally landed roughly on the surface below. Garrus was dazed; watching through half lidded eyes as Kaidan said something to the crew, secured his helmet, and opened the hatch. Hot white light flooded his eyes and even though his helmet he squinted. Information began streaming across the computer in his helmet; temperature 36˚C, gravity 0.86 g, atmospheric pressure 0.84 atm. There seemed to be a large concentration of element zero throughout the planet and he waited a few more moments before the information he was looking for popped up in the corner of his vision. He found his voice, "Its safe to take helmets off."

He depressurized his helmet with a hiss and removed it, inhaling the strange smelling air. It was hot, nearly as hot as Palaven, though he could see the humans were uncomfortable. Garrus turned to help some of the human crew and Tali out when another pod came hurtling down and landed. The dust settled and, after a moment, Kaidan breathed, "Shepard."

The lieutenant ran over and wrenched the door open, the rest of the team hot on his heels. Light filled the small shuttle and Garrus squinted into it before realizing that Joker was huddled in the corner, head in his hands, not making a sound. He was alone. A cold numbness began to spread across the Turian's body.

"Where's Shepard?" Kaidan snapped. Joker lifted his head briefly and shook his head but the lieutenant reached in and grabbed him by the collar, yanking him forward, "Where the hell is she?"

"She's gone!" Joker yelled back and Kaidan dropped his jacket, stunned, "We were going to the escape shuttle and—and something bumped the Normandy and she lost contact with the floor."

_Lost contact with the floor, that would mean…_ Alenko turned to Chakwas, who had a hand pressed tightly against her mouth. Kaidan hurried to her, "Dr. Chakwas, please."

He was clearly looking for good news. Some kind of confirmation that, yes, it was possible for Shepard to have survived in space. That the Alliance, who was surely on their way, would pick her up before her oxygen ran out. But the doctor shook her head mutely, pausing longing enough to regain enough composure to say in an almost steady voice, "She…she was spaced. I'm sorry."

Shock settled in as he repeated it to himself. Shepard wasn't coming back. Shepard was dead. A sudden, strangled sob startled Garrus out of his thoughts as Tali sagged against him, sliding down towards the ground. He joined her, arm around her shoulders, as she turned into him and wept.

* * *

Garrus stopped, finally tearing his gaze away from the wall, and glanced at Shepard. She was quiet before saying, "You knew I wouldn't leave."

"Yes."

If she was disturbed by his one syllable monotone response she didn't say anything. Instead she slid down the crate and sat next to him. Garrus hadn't noticed how tired he had become. He looked at her and she carefully kept her gazed fixed on the wall. Her voice was level. Garrus blinked sleepily before remembering that Chakwas had given him a sedative as well.

"Did you go back to C-Sec?"

"Yes…but I didn't stay."

Shepard frowned at that one. She looked to him, "Didn't stay?"

He closed his eyes remembering everything that happened to him since she had died. The way her spirit had seemed to linger around him, forever following him. He couldn't get away from her even when she was dead. He finally managed, "Another story for another time, Shepard."

She nodded and stood, heading to the door, before turning back to him, "You wanted to come back for me?"

Garrus met her gaze, "Yeah…Always, Commander."

Adrian gave him a small smile before saying, "Get some rest."

The door swished shut behind her and Garrus was glad to let the sedative lull him into sleep.

* * *

_Now it seems I'm fading_

_All my dreams are not worth saving_

_I've done my share of waiting_

_And I've still got nowhere else to go_

_So I wait for you to_

_Take me all the way_

_Take me all the way_

_Take Me Under – Three Days Grace_

A/N – And now…for backstory. Would it be too confusing to have some chapters from Garrus's POV? Heh. Shepard, in this story, is 27 if you don't count the two years dead. In canon, she is 29, again not counting the two years dead. If you like please review!


	6. Chapter 6

Parading Garrus around Omega was not Shepard's first choice. She would have much rather left him on the Normandy, under the watchful eye of Dr. Chakwas, but Garrus wouldn't have it. She, Garrus, and Miranda were approaching the entrance to the slums and, as expected, they were turned away at the door. However, this is what Shepard wanted. Surely Garrus would go back to the ship when he learned there was a plague that killed Turians down in the slums. Instead he glared at her, as if he knew her tactic, and told her a "little cough" was not going to stop him. She argued that he took a rocket to the face yesterday. He countered that she was dead a few weeks ago. The pair had stared each other down for a moment before Shepard finally gave in.

Still, Shepard was pleased to see he was up and about and even little worse for wear. She was still somewhat mystified by their conversation yesterday in the battery. How had she never noticed the friction between Garrus and Kaidan that the Turian had described? The two hadn't always been like that. Something must have changed that she wasn't aware of.

Miranda had watched this exchange silently, either not caring or choosing not to comment. Based on her sour expression Shepard assumed it was the latter. Two Turians popped out of cover and danced their laser sights across the team. The Turian guarding the entrance raised his brow plates at Garrus before opening the door to them. They stepped inside and, once the door closed, were greeted with eerie silence. The streets were barren and fires raged over heaps of carelessly piled corpses. Shepard stifled a gag.

"Crude but effective. Burn the bodies and hope to contain the plague," Miranda mused.

A Batarian was curled against the wall and Shepard went to him. She reached out to feel for a pulse when the Batarian suddenly slapped her hand away. Miranda and Garrus drew weapons on him immediately. He snarled, "Get away from me human."

She sighed, "I'm looking for a Salarian doctor, Mordin Solus. Can you help me or not?"

The alien opened his mouth to say something but quickly descended into a coughing fit that became more violent by the second. Shepard leaned in to help him when he pulled a pistol from his jacket and pointed it at her face. She ducked before realizing that the Batarian was clearly not going to make it at this rate, much less shoot her. Shepard shoved the gun away and gave him a dose of medigel.

All four eyes blinked slowly at her before finally saying, "What do you want from me?"

"Tell me what's been going on here."

"Aliens started to get sick a week ago. At first we assumed it everyone. You humans were fine and then Aria sealed us in the district," He coughed, "She wants to wait for us all to die and then come in and clean up."

Shepard frowned. It was cold, but effective in making sure the plague didn't spread to all of Omega. "I'm hoping that won't be necessary. Dr. Solus has a clinic here?"

"Yes, further in. He isn't just a doctor."

"No?"

"STG."

She nodded, "The medigel should keep you alive for a little bit longer. I'll try to send to someone to help you."

The Batarian stared at her for a moment before nodding, "They say he has a cure."

Shepard stood and nodded to her companions. What the Batarian said made sense. Salarians weren't known for their strength and were oftentimes underestimated. If Solus was part of the STG then he would have the ability to keep his clinic safe while he treated people. Ever since working with Kirrahe, Shepard had admired the members of the STG. Brain and, albeit somewhat indirectly, brawn. They had just entered another doorway when Shepard noticed Garrus tugging at the cowl of his armor; she had seen him do it more than once since they entered the quarantine zone. She frowned and turned in time to see him cough into his fist. _Oh shit._ Miranda stopped too and Shepard walked back to him. _Do Turians even run fevers? How do they get sick?_

"Is it hot in here or is it just…" He tried to make a joke but trailed off when Shepard glared at him. Miranda scanned him with her omni-tool; "Standard Turian body temperature is 112 degrees in our set fahrenheit. I have him at 118 and counting."

The two women exchanged glances. Lawson's brow furrowed, "If the Salarian is working on a cure then we need to get there quickly. We don't know how fast it affects the body. We need more information."

Shepard bobbed her head towards the rest of the district and the trio pressed on with new urgency. She wouldn't have believed that Garrus was fallible, never seeing him take a serious hit until yesterday. Adrian glanced at him sideways and caught his profile and the stark, sterile bandage across his face. A shiver made its way up her spine and she blinked away the image of a pool of blue blood. She knew taking him here was a bad idea.

Miranda warped and shredded three Blue Sun mercenaries standing guard at another barricade. _Maybe I could get some pointers from her_... The barricade was erected before a central plaza and Shepard motioned for the squad to take to the balcony and funnel the mercenaries that way. That and Garrus could do the most damage there, while she and Lawson could pick off other enemies before they got too close. The first wave never made it past the entryway across the plaza. The second was dumb enough to send FENRIS mechs alongside themselves. It was easy enough to overload the mechs and catch other mercs in the resulting explosion. Shepard was careful to watch for enemies that went for Garrus. He was still using his sniper rifle, of course, but was much slower. Shepard peered down the stairs, trying to determine if it was safe. Instead she went ahead to investigated and then, when signaled, Miranda and Garrus followed suit.

Garrus was silent the entire way to clinic. There was no cocky comments about his rifle, no snaps at Shepard to get back into cover, nothing. It was disquieting. He was slower as they walked. _Stupid Turian_. She was used to the sound of his gait behind her and now she could hear his feet dragging. Shepard was surprised to see fully armed mechs at the door to the clinic and even more armed guards inside. There was an array of aliens spread across the health center in different stages of sickness. She turned to ask a human at the desk for the location of Solus when she heard a long string of uninterrupted dialogue in a distinct Salarian voice.

"….seems Batarian also experienced swelling. Give Plubuterol, no Plubuterol toxic to Batarians. Ruptures stomach. Provide Roxtryrine in drip."

It was all medical jargon to Shepard but she noticed Miranda raise her eyebrows, clearly interested. Shepard followed the disembodied voice into the small operating room. The Salarian turned immediately and his hand went to his jacket. Shepard suspected he was reaching for a gun. Instead he injected a small vial into his omni-tool and administered it to Garrus before saying, "Turian cure simple. Physiology resilient. Should be fine now."

She blinked, astonished at how simple it had been to cure him. Mordin ducked between two cots and continued, "Now, human. Immune. Don't recognize you from area. Too well armed to be refugees. No uniform, not mercenary. Quarantine still in effect. Here for something else. Vorcha? Crew to clean them up? The plague, investigating possible use as bioweapon—"

Shepard held up her hand to stop the fast talking Salarian, "I'm Commander Shepard and I'm here to recruit you for a critical mission." _Come on, I know you are STG, bite._ Solus popped back up, hand to his chin, and said, "What mission? No, can't leave with plague. Who sent you?"

She saw Miranda glance at her from her left. If the Batarian was right and Mordin had been with the STG, he likely already recognized the logo that was emblazoned across Lawson's suit. So Shepard simply said, "Cerberus. We're going to stop the Collectors. They are abducting humans."

At this Solus stood, surprise on his face as he glanced at Garrus, "Cerberus working with Turians? Surprised. Illusive Man branching out?"

"This is a problem that affects everyone, Doctor. We need to work together."

The Salarian continued to eye Garrus before his gaze swiveled back to Shepard, "Personal involvement then," He opened his mouth to speak again when the lights flickered and an overhead fan shut off.

Miranda spoke first, "That didn't sound good."

Mordin shook his head, "Vorcha trying to cut air from district. Hm, Vorcha. Plague created and Vorcha also immune. Take this, already made a cure. Inject into fans and turn power on," He paused before tossing Shepard a gun, "Take this. Will need it."

She turned to Garrus, "Are you ready for action or do you want to stay-"

He interrupted her with an offended click, "I'm ready for duty, Commander."

The environmental section wasn't far from the clinic. The area seemed awfully quiet and, glancing at her squadmates, she know the others felt it too. This felt like an ambush waiting to happen. Shepard handed the cure to Miranda and she began the sequence to distribute it across the entire sector. It was then that Blue Suns began firing from the surrounding balconies. Shepard and Miranda lifted the mercenaries and Garrus took them out. Lawson glanced her way from across a crate and shouted, "We have to get to the fans!"

They took the left side first and encountered little resistance until several Vorcha appeared with a flamethrowers and fuel strapped to their backs. The flames did little to Shepard or Garrus, their heavy armor deflecting most of the damage if they got into cover quick enough, but Miranda was not so lucky. Adrian heard her cursing and charged into a Vorcha, sending him to the ground, and firing into the fuel canister. _Let's see how you like it_. She kneeled next to Miranda, who was slumped behind a wall, and administered medi-gel. The entire right side of her suit was black and burnt and her neck and face had gotten some too. The skin was red, raw, and starting to flake. _Shit, she's pretty burnt up_.

"Stay behind me, ok?"

Lawson ducked her head, clearly embarrassed, but nodded. The first fan powered on and they fought their way across the room to the right fan. Miranda followed Shepard's command and provided biotic support. With the second fan on and the cure airborne, the crew returned to Mordin's clinic.

He greeted them with a serene smile, "Environmental systems engaged, airborne viral levels dropping, patients improving, Vorcha retreating...Well done, Shepard. Thank you for my assistant. Letting him take over the clinic."

Adrian nodded, "We cured the plague. Can you help us fight the Collectors?"

"Yes. Unexpected to be working with Cerberus. Just need to finish up at clinic, won't take long. Will meet you at your ship," Solus turned his head towards Lawson, "Needs medical attention."

Shepard motioned to Miranda, "Heading there now. We're docked at C-57, The Normandy SR-2. See you onboard, professor."

* * *

Adrian bounced on her toes in the medbay. She was trying to ignore Miranda's increasingly irate glare. Adrian's suggestion that she get Cerberus to invest in some "real armor" did not go over well. Shepard fled the medbay with Miranda's shrill retort following her. _She's getting real armor, she'll just have to suck it up_. Adrian made a mental note to requisition it when she got back to her cabin.

It didn't matter, the timing was right as the coffee maker in the mess was dinging, signaling it was finished brewing. Shepard was rounding the corner of the mess hall tables when she heard the angry snarl from the main battery. She swiveled her head in the direction and, feeling sheepish for what was probably going to be an intrusion, went to check on Garrus. Adrian paused outside of the door. It wasn't locked.

"It appears safe to enter, Shepard."

Adrian started at EDI's voice filtered over her head. She was somewhat disturbed by the AI watching her, disturbed that the AI seemed to know that she was debating going into the battery. Still, she entered and was greeted with Vakarian's back. She realized with a jolt that he wasn't wearing his armor, or even a shirt. Garrus whipped around to snap at whoever had entered but softened when he saw Shepard. Relief quickly changed to irritation though and he turned away. He wasn't fast enough. Adrian saw what was in his hands; a fresh bandage. When he finally spoke his voice was wary,

"Shepard, I'm in the middle of something. Can it wait?"

She ignored him, "Do you need help with that?"

Another pause and a slow drawl, "With what?"

Adrian sighed. She reached out and grabbed onto his bicep, raising her eyebrows when the corded muscles flexed under her hand, and turned him around. He didn't protest. Shepard knew what Turians looked like without their armor. She suspected he knew what she looked like without hers. Part of her training was to identify the quickest way to disable or kill alien species, the parts of the body that were most vulnerable. But this was Garrus and she found herself staring. He was smaller than she expected. His wide plated shoulders tapered down to a pointed carapace, where his collarbones would be if he was human, and then down a lightly armored belly to a slim naked waist that sat above his jutting hips. She was surprised to feel heat rise to her face. Turian bodies had never affected her before but in the tiny room she was slightly overwhelmed by just how masculine he really was. Shepard gave herself a mental slap. _This is your best friend, idiot._ He was male and she hadn't been this close to one in two years. It was that simple. She nodded to herself. _Yup, obviously I need some...personal time. With myself._

She snapped back to reality when Garrus shook his arm and her hand dropped back to her side.

"Well?" He prompted snappishly.

_Much maleness indeed._

"Do you need help changing that bandage?"

He opened his mouth, obviously to tell her that he could do it himself, but winced and shut it quickly. With a resigned sigh he handed her the bandage and then turned his face and shoulders to her. She tried to hide her grimace but the damage was worse than she thought. Raw, destroyed skin covered part of his right mandible and cheek before taking over majority of his neck on the right side. The ruined skin was still tinged blue and part of his wound was slowly beginning to seep blood around a cybernetic, near the joint of his face and neck, without the pressure of the dressing.

"Shit." Shepard promptly gave Garrus a shove towards a nearby crate. He protested in a low, reverberating sound but she quickly leaned over him. Adrian pressed the bandage against his cheek and tried to ignore his pained hiss. She peeled the steri-strip adhesive and adhered it to his face and neck. Shepard straightened and wiped her hands on her pants.

"Done, I think. Better?"

Garrus opened his mandibles experimentally and then nodded. A silence stretched between them before he saw her frowning at her blue stained hands. He didn't know how to interpret that small knit between her eyebrows. He cautiously asked, "What's wrong?" She gave him a small smile before saying something about cold coffee and scurrying back to the mess.

He sank back against the console, gingerly fingering the bandage. She was surprisingly good at changing bandages. Garrus had half expected her to slap it on and tell him to man up. She had...stared. He thought of her fleeting smile. Shepard was flighty these days; she seemed likely to bolt at any given time, especially when his gaze found her wide eyed and staring off into an unknown time and an unknown place. He found her even more ferocious in battle and, in truth, it scared him a bit. Clearly Cerberus had upgraded her biotic implant; she constantly smelled of ozone and he's pretty certain her eyes were never so biotically blue when they were chasing Saren. And she had new moves; the first time she had blasted past him in a biotic charge, he had stopped and stared. Shepard clearly didn't need as much time to recharge and she never seemed to need to stop and take a break.

Garrus glanced at the door. The Turian had been so certain she wasn't real, that she was a mirage and that he was dying and that she was there to bring him the afterlife. He had felt a surge of anger when he first saw her topple under his concussive shot. How dare she let everyone think she was dead? But anger had turned to relief when it looked she was going to save his life and get him away from Omega. _Only to take a rocket to the face_. Was it possible though? She said Cerberus had..."rebuilt" her. Rebuilt her from what, exactly? Would he know if she was clone? _A clone with the same gimpy shoulder?_

His thoughts were becoming disjointed and hazy. The medication Chakwas had him on made him sleepy and he had just enough energy to pull himself off the crate and onto his cot to fall into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

_I've been up in the air, out of my head,_  
_ Stuck in a moment of emotion I destroyed._  
_ Is this the end I feel?_  
_ Up in the air, fucked up on life,_  
_ All of the laws I've broken, loves that I've sacrificed._  
_ Is this the end, end, end, end?_

_Up In the Air - 30 Seconds to Mars_

A/N:Apologies for such a looooooong time between updates. I actually had to boot up the game and play thru Mordin's level on Omega annnnnd its probably my least favorite part of the game. Bleh. Glad its over with! Also, ask and you shall receive – Adrian Shepard in the flesh. Replace the DOT with a period. orworsexpelledDOTtumblrDOTcom/tagged/adrian-shepar d


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